what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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