Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Threesome in a minivan. New low
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Mom said you looked used
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize