The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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