Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
