If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
