you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
