so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
