Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
