There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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