He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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