I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
