Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
