I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
