I just pynch a tree in the face
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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