i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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