my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
