she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
