you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My vagina is officially offended.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
