margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
