At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
