it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
