I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
