Cold hands, warm shart.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
