I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
