Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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