Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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