OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
