Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
