Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize