I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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