yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
