hotel room ftw
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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