It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
