Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Randomize
