my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
