loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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