first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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