i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
