Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
