Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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