is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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