I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize