Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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