I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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