we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
