Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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