i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
