was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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