She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
