the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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