She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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