He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
