I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
