No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
