im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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