you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
