did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
