When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
