Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
There r osticjed everywhere
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize