just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
