I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
