So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm like, not good at living.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
