Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
