He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
