So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize