I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
