when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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