I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
