i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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