I must be too annoying 4 u.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
