i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
